Mushy Christmas...

- nagpapakamush ngayong Pasko dahil sa isang teddy bear.... ;p

Get Real

" I'm sick of feeling totally alone. I wanted to have friends who like me for who I am. I want to be part of a family who love me for who I am and not someone I pretend to be to keep that love. I'm sick of hiding, of being sad and scared... It's only love. What's everyone so scared of?"

- Steven Carter

Another heart wrenching love story. Christmas na Christmas nagmomoment ako ngayon dito sa kwarto. At least nakakuha ulit akong idea on how to come out to my family. Kaso wala nako sa high school.

Is this a date??

I went out with someone again yesterday on what I think was a date... hehehe hindi naman sinabi nung kasama ko eh inaya lang nya akong lumabas. At mejo humaba lang ang hair ko because of his sweetness. He was late on our meeting time pero he made up to me by giving me chocolates. He treated me for a movie and dinner at lumabas pa siya ng cinema just to get me a straw kasi nakalimutang ilagay sa plastic. Gusto pa akong ihatid sana sa amin. Feeling prinsesa na sana ako kaso hindi ko naman alam kung date ba yun o hindi...

Kunyari demure...

Yesterday was our hospital's Christmas party and happy was an understatement of what happened the whole night...

I came later than what was our supposed call time to prepare for the presentation that we were supposed to do in the program and there weren't much people around yet in our department. We checked our music and its skipping like crazy. Not to mention that there was still a patient waiting to give birth that night. So everyone was a bit down that afternoon. Good thing the mood changed when we were changing to our outfits and I was in for a treat. We thought of painting our faces but changed our mind at the last minute. Since I already bought the face paint, I suggested that the boys in our department paint their bodies instead. At first, they didn't like the idea but they changed their mind. Since they are too scared to touch each others bodies, they made me paint on them instead. OMG!!! I had to put on my serious face the whole time. Kelangan hindi ipahalatang nageenjoy ako at professional pa rin ang dating. B who I think has the nicest body in our department keeps on flexing his tattoed chest while I was painting on him. I got to paint on A's body too which would have turned me on if I still had a crush on him. (Sorry M). All that plus a lot of pics taken made it fun even if we bombed at our dance. M thought of going to the ward to get our pics taken with both of our crushes. J and M. She introduced me to them and had our pics taken. Bliss. Since everyone wants to continue the fun, we went out with a couple of the doctors there to Timog to continue the party at Barrackz. Had a couple of booze and danced all night. It was a night to remember indeed.;p

T.D.T.E.S.S.

This movie is somewhat like "An Inconvenient Truth" with a sci-fi twist. A very good movie but I was irritated with the kid in the movie. I wished he would've been eaten by the microscopic bugs instead. But I guess that was part of his role. Very scary if it would happen in real life especially with the environtmental crisis we are in right now. (Tip: Let the alien speak to the presidents)

Love of Siam...

The Love Of Siam

" So I have one question. If we can love someone so much? How will we be able to handle it the day when we are separated? And, if being separated is a part of life, and you know about separation well. Is it possible that we can love someone and never be afraid to lose them? At the same time, is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all? That's my loneliness... I know just how bad loneliness feels. I fear it will continue to get worse." - Mew

Bolt is b-awsome and redunculous...

Kahit na ayaw ko ke Miley Cyrus ay pinanood ko pa rin ang Bolt kasama ang mga kapatid ko. And the movie was great. Much better compared sa Twilight (bitter pa rin) hehehe. Mejo gumilid pa ang luha ko sa isang scene dun. At me bago pakong word na natutunan... b-awesome and redunculous.

Twilight nga talaga...

Dahil sa adik ako sa libro at dahil crush ko ang gumanap ng Edward at James dito sa movie kaya isa ako sa mga nanuod sa unang araw ng screening ng Twilight. Buti nalang dito lang kami ng isang friend ko sa SM Marikina kung saan hindi gaanong karaming tao ang nanonood. And the movie was true to its name. I didn't feel the same "kilig" moments or the suspense of the chase. Its another case of an adaptation gone wrong. Sadness. Thank God for Robert Pattinson

My Very Own Survivor...

It's been three weeks since I started to work as a nurse in a hospital and I'm done on my "honeymoon stage". I somehow sensed the tension between the staff of the area where I'm volunteering in weeks ago but I just affirmed it last Saturday and somehow I already am part of the drama.

Saturday afternoon: I know there was a party for a sister of a staff there because I was hearing talks amongst the staff about it earlier that week. Since I was new, I didn't really care whether or not I was invited. I somehow figured that there was drama in our area when the staff that I was with during that shift openly talked about the feeling of dislike that they feel from the group who went to the party. Since I didn't want to be part of their drama, I just stayed silent in their conversation. Not knowing that I was already part of it.

Monday morning: Somehow my day started bad. Just when I thought I was a mere audience to their drama, I somehow felt I was a part of it already. There really is a group and I was on the outside. All day, they were talking about what happened in the party which made it hard for me to relate. Then I learned that A who came in a week later from me was invited.

It feels like I'm in Survivor. People talking in groups. in hushed voices. People talking behind each other's back. Just when I thought I was making a connection, it turns out I am on the chopping block. I just wish there was immunity here...

Off to the max...

Dahil off ko nung Biyernes, nangati na naman ang aking mga paa para lumabas at mag-unwind. Nakipagkita ako ulit ke Ms. A. at nakipagkwentuhan lang buong gabi. Sayang hindi nakasunod si M.

Wala akong balak na umalis ng bahay nung Biyernes pero hindi ko na talaga matiis na hindi panuorin ang Madagascar 2. Kaya inaya ko ang kapatid ko para panuorin yun. Tapos tumawag pa si JD para sabihin na nagiinvite si Ate C na mag-hangout later in the evening. At dahil hindi ko pa siya ulit nakikita since nung pagbalik siya from Japan. I opted na pumunta na rin. Naisip ko na rin na dumaan sa tambayan ng isa pang friend ko nung h.s. na nagaayang makipagkita for some time kaso laging conflict of sched. since aalis na rin naman na ako. I had a blast last night from the really funny film (kaso parang ang iksi) to seeing my h.s. friends again( na nagiba lang ang mga hitsura) and also getting to see some new ones. Goodluck talaga sa pagtitipid ko...

Synonyms...

Axis: syn. definition: a straight line through a body or figure that satisfies certain conditions;

- the main stem or central part about which plant organs or plant parts such as branches are arranged;

- serves as a pivot for turning the head;

- the center around which something rotates.

haiiz hindi naman ako adik sa kanya?! hehehe sino ba namang hindi ? ikaw ba naman hawakan ang tummy mo as a sign of bati sa iyo...ahihi. (super kilig). Sana lang maging magkasked na kami next time para maaya ko siya na manood ng twilight. ahihi. (kinikilig na naman) nyahaha. Next week kelangan talaga makuha ko na number niya baka maunahan pa ako ng mga lecheng salot dun. Maganda pa naman ang sabi ng fortune cookie ko kanina: "Talents are meant to be used. Use whats given to you and don't squander oppurtunities presented to you." Sana talaga hindi siya straight nyahaha...;p

Good Day Gone Bad...

I just had a great start this morning. It wasn't raining. The FX that usually takes long to be filled was almost full when I got there so I didn't have to ride a jeep this morning. And to top it all off there was a new volunteer in our area who was a real hottie so I was perky all day. Until it was time for me to go home. I was supposed to be out by 3 however they made me stay up until 5 to practice for the dance number that we ( which I really wasn't too happy about) are going to perform on the Christmas party of the whole hospital. I was raring to go home because I was tired but they have to make me learn the really complicated steps they thought of. Not to mention that there was a new schedule that was made and my new crush and I will not have any sched. together for the whole month. sadness. My head was killing me when I was going home. I was feeling a little bit better when I was already walking home. I was on my usual way home but went around a puddle and I slipped. I thought the mud that I was stepping on was hard already but it wasn't and I freaking slipped and almost fell on my face. Good thing there was no one around because for sure they'll laugh their butt off. Now I have two abrasion wounds on my knee and one on my elbow. If only A was there to make me feel better...

1st Day

It was a day that didn't started right but definitely ended nicely. Today was my first day to be in a hospital setting yet again. And I didn't get any sleep because I was tossing and turning. But all the anxiety was gone after I've met the people who I'll be working with. They were all friendly and accomodating and funny so it wasn't hard for me to be at ease with them. I was oriented to the instruments and the different areas that I'll be handling including the responsibilities that will be expected of me. Now I really will love coming to work. But there's a catch: All of the guys are straight; I have a crush on one of them; They think I'm straight too and wants to invite me to their drinking sessions.

Crash and Burn

It was a night you already planned to be spent with your friends. Until they came. They sneakily worked their way with the crowd without you knowing. Until it hit you. Surprise. Not a good one though. Suddenly all hell breaks loose. You feel nauseous. The fun just stopped. They crashed, you burned.

Looking forward to November...

I just had the best news yet this week which is for me to be a volunteer on a hospital in the department where I so want to work. OR here I come. Yay! The only catch is I have to try to be peppermint and be as discreet as possible since the doctor who made it possible for me to have a spot there is a friend of my dad's friend. Talk about complicated. I'm just happy-scared for what will happen to me next week. waaahhh but I'm happy I get to be in a hospital again... ;p

I need something new...

I'm trying to keep myself positive right now. I've been pretty calm and collected this past weeks. But the sleepless nights I had this week plus several events that happened over the weekend got into my safe place and now I'm cautious that I may be pulled back to my not so happy place. I have to try and think of something new to do tomorrow...

Si Common friend...

I went to see a friend na matagaltagal ko na ring hindi nakakabonding, si Miss A. We catched up on whats been happening with each other at dahil na rin sakin ay nasama na naman sa usapan si C who used to be our common friend. He used to be someone I really treasure. Pero ngaun yun na nga lang ang titulo niya sa amin. Si Common friend. I guess pili lang talaga ang mga friends na makakasama mo hanggang sa tumanda ka.

Way Stupid...

The hard drive which I impulsively bought crashed and all the files I backed up are gone. I'm so stupid...waaahhhh.

I knew it...

You Are 63% Pure

You're pretty pure, and you have no plans on changing that. You do have a devilish side though... and it will probably get the better of you.

The 100 Question Purity Test

Akalain mo yun..

Dahil sa madali lang ang aking naging transaksyon sa Cardinal kaninang umaga. Naisipan ko nalang na manuod ng sine para lang hindi masayang ang ineffort ko sa paglabas ng bahay. Naisipan kong panuorin ang Max Payne dahil mukha naman syang kanaisnais na pelikula base sa trailer. At as usual sana trailer nalang pinanuod ko. Maganda ang special effects kaso nabore ako sa story nya. At dahil dyan kaya naisipan ko nalang pagmasdan ang mga kakaunting tao na kasama kong manood. At dahil kakapirangot lang ang kasama ko sa sine madali kong napansin ang isang couple na kakatwa na napili nila na yun ang pelikulang panuorin. Bakit? Kasi parang hindi nila maappreciate yung movie dahil sa age nila. hehehe natuwa lang ako kasi kahit na uugod ugod na sila at meron ng hawak na baston ay nageenjoy sila sa barilan ang eksena. hehehe

Plans...

I just came to another realization today. Try to live without or as little plan as possible. I know I've made a lot of plans earlier this year and and most of them didn't work out the way that I had planned them. Growing up, I know I made a time map of myself that I would be at this point at this age not knowing that things change and that life is so uncertain. I have to not stress so much about what the future holds and just work out things that are in the present. I'll still have my goals but I'll scrap the timeline...;p

Mawalang galang lang...

Kaninang umaga pumunta ako sa isang institution for special children to see if I qualify to be a volunteer there since I'm not doing anything productive as of this moment. I had a talk with the lady who manages the institution and then she said "Mawalang galang lang ha..." Uh-oh. I knew what she was going to ask next. "Gay ka ba?" I said yes. And then she told that she has nothing against gay people as she has relatives who are like me. Pero pinangaralan niya ako about how the kids are innocent at walang malisya at dahil dun madali silang maabuso. I wanted to roll my eyes. I know that. All children are like that. I understand where she is coming from. I know that she is concerned about the kid's welfare pero sana lang she wouldn't make any assumptions about a person's character based on their sexuality. I felt discriminated after that. I went there with good intentions tapos lumabas pang I don't have any right to take care of children. Being gay doesn't equate to you being a bad influence.

Panaginip lang pala...

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa o madisappoint sa napaginipan ko kagabi about my mom. Hindi ko na matandaan ang buong details tungkol sa dream ko pero ang moment na talagang nagstuck sakin sa panaginip ko e yung inout ako ng mom ko. I knew I was talking to someone and my mom was there and then all of a sudden she made a comment about how she knew all along about me and I was dumbstruck. I wanted to ask her questions but then there was a blinding light and I was back to reality.

Saling KetKet

The Three Kingdoms

I am fond of watching foreign films and one of my favorites besides French are Chinese films. That's why when I saw that this was already screening in the cinemas I persuaded J to watch this instead of doing something else while we were waiting for the rain to stop. The sound effects was great but the usual chinese fight scenes which I am fond of was lacking. The story was ok but the title threw me off a bit because I was expecting that it was about three kingdoms however it was just about two of the three kingdoms at that time. All in all it was an entertaining movie but it wasn't as great as Hero, H.O.F.D. or C.T.H.D.

bumbumbedumbumbumdedumbum

Waaahhh... Me insomnia na naman ata ako. I'm sleepy but I just can't seem to get some sleep hence this rant in my blog... malibang na nga lang ang sarili ko...

Moments sa Kwarto...

At dahil wala akong masyadong ginagawa ngayon, ginugugol ko nalang oras ko sa pagdodownload at panonood ng gay-themed film. At dahil dyan nagkaroon ako ng mga moments na umiiyak ako ng mag-isa sa kwarto ko. Ang mga saralin:

Beautiful Thing



Bangkok Love Story

Coronation night daw oh... (naloko na naman ako)

Dahil sa depressed mode ako kahapon at biglang nagaya ang isa kong friend na samahan siya sa supposedly na sinasabi niyang pageant night daw ng Mr. and Ms. Pharma ng isang university. At dahil gusto ko na ring umalis ng bahay at makacatch up with him, I opted to go. Natuwa naman ako sa mga contestants dahil in fairness pinangiti lang nila ako saglit kasama ng isang host nila na kwela. Disappointing kasi ineexpect ko ang question and answer portion kaso launching palang pala ng mga contestants at hindi pa talaga contest proper. Sadness. We had dinner and hanged tapos nakipagkita sa isa ko pang friend and catched up with each other. My night wasn't what I expected but I still had a good time.

Don't wanna get stuck again...

My enthusiasm and positive outlook on me being a full time nurse is starting to wane. With what happened with the agency and almost all if not all of the hospitals that we've scouted having no available positions to offer. I try to be cool about how hard it is but it is taking its toll on me. And to think there will be thousands, no, hundreds of thousands of people aspiring to be nurses... I need me some uppers right now... sadness

I got duped...

I recently found out that the person who was managing my application for my NCLEX examination resigned from the agency. Whats worse is that the money that she collected from the nurses who trusted her went to her pocket. Now I have to re-apply my application for NCLEX, thinking of doing some legal action and on top of that most of the local hospitals that me and my friend went to today doesn't have any opening. I was drenched by the downpour, my feet hurts like hell from all the walking and I have lots to think about. I hope "Baby Mama" makes me forget about all of this later... haiiizzz

Need a Dose of Vitamin C...

Mukhang kelangan kong uminom ng gallons of Vitamin C and other supplements from now on dahil yesterday evening, I got sick and was burning up the whole night. Buti nalang medyo ok nako ngayon but I still have a sore throat. Ibblog ko pa naman sana na merong Shake Rattle and Roll 5 sa magaganap na Metro Manila Filmfest dahil kahapon e nagshooting sila sa ospital na pinagdutyhan ko. At in fairness nakakatakot ang mga supposedly na aswangs.

Sana ganito kaganda boses ko...

Looking forward to this...

Nakakapagod na nakakatuwa...

I am gearing up for my quest of becoming a full fledged nars with a job on this country. At para magkaroon ako ng chance para sa ginintuang tawag ng mga ospital o kahit klinika man lang, kelangan kong sumailalim sa IV therapy.

At ngaun ang start ng completion ko ng aking mga cases para matawag na akong IV nars. Nakakakaba dahil hindi na naman ako nagaral ng notes ko before this day. At ang laman ng utak ko pa rin hanggang ngayon ay ang seminar na inatendan ko last week about Advanced Cardiac Life Support at ang pagkamangha ko sa sarili ko ng pagbasa ng ECG. Kaya lagi ko uling binabalikan mentally ang mga nangyari nun.

At dahil excited ako at ayoko na ring mapahiya sa unang araw ng completion nageffort talaga akong gumising ng maaga. At dahil dun nakita ko rin ang isa sa mga intern na pinagdemohan ko nun kung saan tinawanan ako dahil confident kong sinagot ang kanyang tanong kahit na mali ito hehehe. (Buti nalang may short term memory loss rin ata sya katulad ng isang kakilala ko hahaha)

Masakit ang paa ko nung pauwi nako sa kakalakad sa buong ward namin o di kaya dahil sa tagal ng pagtayo ko. Muntik nakong atakihin sa kaba dahil hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang sinasagot ko sa nars na in-charge sakin at ang kasama ko pang isa. Nakakapagod at nakakatakot pero at the same time natutuwa ako dahil at least nagsisimula ko nang magawa ang pinaghirapan ko ng almost 5 years.;p

Survivor blah!

Kahapon nagstart ang Survivor Philippines which I personally think was a bad idea since I am a fan of Survivor and I don't think they could pull it off like the original Survivor series. Pero dahil curious ako I gave them the benefit of a doubt and watched it. OMG!!! Mangagaya na nga lang hindi pa gawing maayos. Terrible is an understatement. Una, kelangan ba talaga kahit ang style ni Jeff Probst sa damit e kelangang gayahin? Pati ang location nila ginaya rin. The opening scene of Survivor which is usually exciting and grand took forever. At kelangan talaga mega detail si Paolo sa pageexplain ng nangyayari sa mga castaways with matching side comments na hindi naman talaga necessary dahil uhmmm obvious na naman yung nangyayari diba. At anung nangyari sa gagamitin lang nila yung mga damit nila na suot nila e binigyan rin sila ng raincoats at appropriate shoes!! Survivor nga ba ito?? Pero di lang yon kelangan talagang ipakita ang puzzle na kelangan nilang gawin e kaya nga tinawag na puzzle eh para ittry nilang ifigure out yun. At supposedly e neutral lang si Paolo e tinuruan niya kaya yung guys team dun sa rewards challenge. Talk about fairness. At ang pinakamasamang ginawa nila sa format ng Survivor e hindi pala ito 1 hour show once a week kung hindi EVERYDAY!!! Anu pang excitement dun?? E yun yung rason why I'm looking forward to the next episode because for sure something unexpected happened pero ang isang buong linggo ng crappy episodes!!! Dapat talaga iban na ang paggaya ng mga international shows kung hindi rin naman nila maeexecute ng maayos!!!

(Medyo naghihimutok lang dahil binaboy nila ang Survivor series e fan pa naman ako nun hmph)

I'm afraid of %E@!....

Yesterday I just realized that I'm afraid to be intimate again with anyone. After the scare that I had months ago for some nights where I succumbed (nosebleed) to my hormones. I am relieved by the news that it was just a wake up call for me. And yesterday, I realized that I've put up a wall around me and that's the reason why I wasn't my old self again. I know it is unnatural to be afraid of something that science say to be one of your needs ( Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) but I'd rather not reach self actualization than face my worst nightmare.

Mumu...

Dahil sa nagbrownout samin at wala akong magawa... naisipan kong magpicturepicture nalang na kunyari mumu ako... kaso nakatawa naman ang supposedly na tinatakot ko...hahaha

Nakakamiss...

Habang naglalakad pauwi kanina sa aming munting subdibisyon. Meron akong nakitang tutubi at biglang napaisip ako ng mga moments nung ako ay musmos pa. Panahon kung saan nawiwili ako na mangapit-bahay, magpunta sa damuhan at dahan- dahang gumapang sa likod ng insektong balak kong iuwi sa munti naming hardin. Naalala ko ang mga hapon na nagpapatintero, matayataya at agawan base kami hanggang gabi. Mga araw kung saan wala akong pakialam sa mundo. Natawa nalang ako kasi parang tumatanda nako... hahaha

Heroes is back!!

Lesbo daw oh...

I met up with some of my friends yesterday for some bonding moments dahil medyo matagal na kaming hindi nagkikita-kita. At malamang kasama ang standard na tanong na how's my lovelife? (Bakit kaya palaging kasama tong tanong nato everytime? hahaha) I don't know why pero medyo naging mas tame ako this couple of month compared to my previous self earlier this year (haiizzz tumatanda na rin kaya ako? hahaha) They even commented that maybe I'm turning lezbo. haha. I still do appreciate man's beauty but I'm just not as sexually preoccupied as I was before. (I definitely am getting old na. hahaha)

Sidestory:
On that same night muntikan nakong magkaroon ng panic attack dahil
1.) Hinayaan kong umuwi ng mag-isa yung isa kong friend na sobrang antok na 1 sec. lang na sumandal e humihilik na. ok exag. 3 sec naman siguro dahil sabi niya gusto na niyang umuwi at kaya naman daw niya... My fault

2.) Hindi nagparamdam ang dalawa ko pang friends na sabay umuwi na hindi sinasagot ang kahit isa sa phone nila dahil tulog na pala ang mga loko. Kung anoano ng scenario ang pumasok sa utak ko dahil dun... Their fault hahaha (You know who you are... hahaha)

Heaven or Hell...

Naalala ko ang isang diskusyon with a friend of mine a few nights back. Nagtatalo kami tungkol sa pagiging sino kami at kung ano ang nakasulat sa Bible. I know I already have the same argument about being gay and whether it is an express ticket for you to go to hell with J before. I just couldn't remember what he told me about it. hehehe. Anyways I told that friend of mine that he would be fooling himself if he pretends to be straight even though he knows for a fact that he's not. I don't believe that being gay automatically gives you a ticket to hell because I didn't choose to be like this. As far as I could remember I am like this ever since. And as long as I'm not doing anything bad to others, I think I'm ok because there are a lot of straight guys out there who keeps doing stuffs that are so inhumane.

Another Great Movie...

The Fall
A Little Blessing in Disguise

An interesting movie that is both moving and visually stimulating. Much like the Pan's Labyrinth sans the fantastical creatures. I fell for the cuteness of Alexandria and Roy... For more movie info click here .

Tear-Jerkers...

Just want to rant about a couple of films that I've watched recently which made me go awww...

The Chorus

Ever since I watched the films Amelie and A Very Long Engagement, I am hooked on watching foreign films specially if it is French. A very touching movie which I recommend. For synopsis click here.

The Kite Runner

I know this movie was shown here in the Phils. but didn't saw it because I thought that it is boring. I was wrong. Another touching movie which I definitely recommend. For details click here.

The Man of My Life

Again, another French film which I liked. Movie details are here

Surprise...

My aunt who I am really close to, surprised us by coming back home from the States unannounced but that wasn't all the surprise that she got. Yesterday, we had a talk where she told me that she plans to enter a convent when she goes back to the States. During that talk, she asked about me and my lovelife. Talk about awkward. hahaha. Good thing she didn't ask for the specifics because I don't want to lie nor do I want to come out in a public place. Now, I'm thinking... I want to tell her but I don't know how she's going to react to the truth. One more thing that I'm worried is the fact that nothing remains a secret in our family. It just sucks that I could easily tell strangers the truth about myself and yet I'm so afraid to tell my family about me... what to do... what to do??

4 months to go...

Just this morning, I realized that there are only 4 more months to go and it is adios 08, hello 09. 8 months have already passed and I'm just starting to get myself moving. I have to not let myself get distracted to at least meet half of my goals for this year...;p

Bitten...

Been 2 weeks since I bought the first book of this saga and after reading it I was instantly hooked... 2 weeks later and I'm at the conclusion... Never thought I could get addicted to finish four books in a row... hehehe ayan bookworm na ulit ako... off to finish the last book...;p

Mahiya daw oh...

Pauwi nako from work at super haggardness na at di ko inexpect na masstress pako on my way home. Masaya na sana ako sa pwesto ko sa fx dahil solo ko ang front seat so walang makikipagsiksikan sakin kungdi lang sa mga jiritasyon na mga estudyante sa likod ko. Nung una di ko na pinapansin ang kalakasan ng boses nilang magkwento kahit na medyo naiirita nako sa language na ginagamit nila dahil every 10 seconds kelangan tlaga may mura leche. Nagparining pa yung isa na ampangit daw nung music na pinapatugtog ng driver. Kakahiya naman sa kanila. At ang super kajiritasyon sa kanila e nung nagpatugtog sila ng music sa cellphones nila na dinaig ang sound system nung fx. Buti sana kung super hip ng pinapatugtog nila e tipong millenia na rin ang tagal nung pinapatugtog nilang music. Kairita talaga. Dagdagan pa ng pagsabay nila sa kanta na parang sila lang ang sakay ni Manong. Nagawa pa nung isa na magkoment na mahiya naman daw sila. Me mga tao talagang kahit nagaaral sa matinong institusyon hindi marunong ng manners... tsktsktsk

Bigo-li

Kahapon, nang dahil sa isang review sa clickthecity ay nakipagkita ako sa isang friend ko na matagaltagal ko nang hindi nakakabonding. Natuwa siya nung sinabi kong sa Bigoli ko gustong kumain ng dinner dahil daw merong cute na guy dun while I was excited to try their White Bacon Pizza and Turtle Cheesecake. Sadness nabigo akong makain yun dahil medyo late na kaming pumunta dun at pasara na sila. I was disappointed as well with what I ordered dahil aside from the fact na hindi na siya mainit, there's nothing really special with the pizza. Buti nalang I have good company that night. I'll try to come back sometime at aagahan ko na baka sakaling magbago ang dining experience ko dun hehehe...

Napagisip tuloy ako...

Habang pauwi ako ng bahay, hindi ko naiwasan na marinig ang pinapakinggan na station nung driver ng fx na sinakyan ko. At first he was talking about how society conditions our mind into thinking that we are nobody from our family to school to society itself. Tapos napunta na sa religion ang reason niya for that. That some religion conditions our mind that we couldn't do enough on their standards of being a good man. Na ang ultimate reason daw for us trying to do things in our life for us to "belong" to a group in society and fill the emptiness that we feel inside is God's rejection of Adam and Eve in the beginning. Ngayon napaisip ako, kasi I usually have those feeling of wanting to know what my purpose in life is and also the feeling of insecurity in who I am and he may have a point pero naisip ko lang na he is speaking in the perspective of someone in the Roman Catholic religion. Pano kung Muslim ako or Hindu or Buddhist? Would his theory about how man is be valid? hehehe napagisip tuloy ako dun....

2 Hours of Sleep but lotsa Fun!!!

Last Saturday was the most tiring day ever pero super saya naman nito. I came home around 8:30 in the morning looking forward to having a beauty rest before our class reunion later that night. By 11 am I got a text from a friend of mine asking me to accompany him to the hospital for a check up. Effort ito pero dahil mabait at supportive friend ako (seriously) hehehe sinamahan ko nalang rin sya. We had lunch and went to Medical City at andun lang kami for the rest of the afternoon. Met up with Jannoe after and headed for Tiendesitas. We thought we were running late but we were the first ones there. Had fun the rest of the night!! I got home around 11 am of Sunday and was out the rest of the day... Sana maulit hehehe

Failure, Imagination and Life...

I was reading yesterday's newspaper because I slept yesterday away from my lack of it the night before and I happen to read JKR's commencement address to Harvard students. I just wished ours was this good. These are the following lines that stood out to me...

"Failure is the stripping away of the inessential. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity."

"Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement."

"Life is difficult and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes."

"Imagination is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared... And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are."

"What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing."

"As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is but how good it is, is what matters."

- from HarvardMagazine.com
(video and transcript here)

What have I done lately???

Dahil sa lahat ng kakilala ko ay napanood na ang Wanted at ayaw rin siyang panoorin ng mga workmates ko, I opted to watch the movie alone...(Imagine) Superb movie... akalain mong kaya palang pasabugin ang isang buildind gamit lamang ang mga daga... pero behind the action laden plot at mga twists ng story, I liked the last scene where the actor asked the viewers what have they done lately. Too often, we get caught up in the rush of the world that we sometimes forget the essence of having a life... a sense of living and not just having a job just because. Thanks to this movie, I wasn't feeling so bad at all for not having the job I want. I had a boost to do the things that I told myself that I should be doing but kept on putting it aside... Now all I need to do is to commit to this motivation... woohoo

Ahem, Emperor daw oh...

You are The Emperor

Stability, power, protection, realization; a great person.

The Emperor is the great authority figure of the Tarot, so it represents
fathers, father-figures and employers. There is a lot of aggression and violence
too.

The Emperor naturally follows the Empress. Like an infant, he is filled with enthuiasm, energy, aggression. He is direct, guileless and all too often irresistible. Unfortunately, like a baby he can also be a tyrant. Impatient, demanding, controlling. In the best of circumstances, he signifies the leader that everyone wants to follow, sitting on a throne that indicates the solid foundation of an Empire he created, loves and rules with intelligence and enthusiasm. But that throne can also be a trap, a responsibility that has the Emperor feeling restless, bored and discontent.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Where to??

It is 4 in the morning and still I can't get some sleep. I haven't blogged recently because I felt that I needed something positive to write about and so far I couldn't really see the goodness in what happened to me and my job. I am losing it right now but still hanging on, thanks to the support I get from my friends. Right now, I don't know where am I going. I'm lost and I need to get a map quick... ( Kaya ko to... haii)

Choices...

As I was walking home today, a thought just came into my head. It's about choices. Everyday, we are given choices from the most simple things like what to wear or what to eat to life- altering ones like a job offer or a wedding proposal. Sometimes we choose strangers over friends. We choose who we want to be involved with. We choose to be loyal or just break our promises. We choose to forgive or not forget. We choose to trust. We choose to believe in the words of others. We choose to stay or let go. Question is, how do you know if you've made the right choice?

Too Little, Too Late...

An ex- close friend of mine texted me today. I already deleted his number because I have already given up on the friendship (which is rare for me to do) He is trying to reconnect the ties. Sadly, its too little too late...

Shit Happens...

Just when I thought my week couldn't get any worse... I just lost my job...

Looking Forward to Nothing...

It's 2 am and I still can't sleep. I need to sleep! I already talked to a friend of mine and I thought that I'm ok now. I really thought I am. That awkward scene keeps flashing on my head, tormenting me for days now. I don't know how you get over that. For now, this helps... as of the moment, the future that I picture out before is getting all blurred up. Hope I'm not looking forward to nothing once more...

Zoning Out...

Dazed...

Baffled...

Preoccupied...

Paranoid...

Losing my Head...

Down... Way Down...

Melancholy...

Blank...

Bits and Pieces...

I didn't know I could hurt like this. Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life... Lay down a list of what is wrong, the things you've told him all along and pray to God he hears you... He will do one of two things: He will admit to everything or he'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came... Let me know that I've done wrong when I've known this all along. I'll keep you my dirty little secret, who has to know? When we live such fragile lives, it's the best way we survive and all I've tried to hide it's eating me apart.

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you and I need you like a heart needs a beat but it's nothing new. I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue...

Stop. Think

Really weird day... hmmm I just need to stop, breathe and think of some things. I have a feeling this week is going to be pretty long... Wish I could get some sleep...

what you don't know won't hurt you... when you do find out its painful...

Naalala ko lang ang isang nangyari saking life dahil nagkakwentuhan kami ng college friends ko tungkol sa college application namin dati... Ang dream school ko ever since ay UST dahil ang dalawa sa close kong tita ay doon nagtapos kaya siyempre dun ko rin gustong pumasok. Paglabas ng results meron kaming kaklase na pumunta mismo ng UST para icheck ang mga pangalan namin. Tinanong ko kung pumasa ba ako sa first choice ko at ang sabi nga hindi. So nalungkot naman ako dahil hindi ako nakuha sa una kong gusto. Natanggap ko na ang kapalaran ko kaso merong sinabi ang friend ng tita ko na pasado daw ako sa first choice ko according sa online. So natuwa naman ako dun. Kaso nung pumunta na ako para makapagpareserve ng slot. Nalaman ko pala na umasa lang ako sa maling sabi. Humagulgol ako kasi ang pinaasa lang ako sa isang bagay na sobrang inasamasam ko...

Pero looking on the brighter side, if that didn't happen hindi ko sana mamemeet ang mga college friends ko ngayon. Everything does happen with a purpose...

I'm the man...

I've been in my drama mode lately because of my ideal guy. I even thought of having a break from everything just to clear my thoughts. I forgot myself. Good thing, someone reminded me that I'm the man. I know I like him but I shouldn't stress myself into thinking if I'm good enough for him. I should just focus on myself right now and just wait for someone to take notice... ;p

What If...

Naisip ko lang ang nangyari samin ng isang close friend ko nung college. We were really close na tipong inakala nila na meron na kaming relasyon. Sadly, nung inamin ko na sa kanya na I dig guys nagkaroon lang ng distance saming dalawa. Baka naisip niya na meron akong gusto sa kanya (which wala naman talaga) o baka dahil naiilang na siya sa akin. Ngayon andito na naman ako sa sitwasyon kung saan kelangan kong mamili kung itatago ko nalang ba o hahayaan ko na naman na masira ang isang pagkakaibigan... I'll still get hurt either way... haiiizzz life...

Song of the Moment...

Ok na ulit ako...

I got time to have everything sink into me yesterday because of the things that I did yesterday. Me point si Oogway (Kung Fu Panda) na there are no accidents. Everything that is happening is just what needs to happen. I don't have to worry about the friend that is not talking to me or about my crush kung saan dinodown ko ang sarili ko. Inaccept ko na rin that we're just going to be friends and nothing more than that. I should be happy and contented rather than longing for more. I guess I liked him because he is one guy that I want my partner to be like pero ngayon ok na ulit ako kahit na friends nalang kami... Someday naman makikita ko rin "siya" eh...;p

Fun, Fun, Fun!!!

Yesterday was a breath of fresh air to my really bad week. I spent my early afternoon with Ker at Starbucks where we studied. (Actually he was the only one who reviewed, because I was distracted by cute guys passing thru and JM kept on texting me) Jannoe arrived soon after at wala na talagang nangyari sakin kasi nagpicturan nalang kami dun. Then Jeland came after at nagkwentuhan nalang kami. (Wawa si Ker dahil we were distracting him) At nang dumating na ang uber tagal na si JM zoom na agad kami sa Glorietta for our movie marathon.

1st movie was Narnia: Prince Caspian. Maganda naman siya kaso it was a bit too long. Buti nalang cute si Caspian kaya ok lang (kaso ang weird ng accent nya) at maganda ang mga fight scenes. Gusto ko rin yung song after the movie.


2nd movie: Kung Fu Panda. Mabuti talaga at ito ang hinuli namin dahil this is AWESOME!! Hindi kami tumigil kakatawa from start to finish. One great movie to see at the cinema at idagdag sa movie collection. Sobrang daming eksena pero my favorite was Master Oogway's farewell. Sana ako rin kapag mageexit ganun ang eksena. The movie wasn't just funny meron din siyang lesson.

After nun nagpaalam na kami sa isa't isa dahil nga nagmamadali si Jannoe na umuwi to get the call from his mom. Kaso dahil sa kabuangan namin, nauwi rin kami sa Malate. Nakita ko pa ang mga trainers ko sa work. Tumambay lang kami sa isang place dun where we ate, drank, put each other on a hotseat at pose galore for the camera. Kakatuwa kasi ito nalang ulit yung time na naghang out kami nila JM tapos ngayon meron pang kasamang bagong sets of friends.



Nagcrash lang ako kina Jannoe for the night tapos larga na naman para sa dedication lunch ng isa ko pang good friend na si Marian. At ang kasama ko naman ngayon ay si Chinggay, Jan at Michee. Dahil hindi na namin nakontrol ang aming gutom, Kain muna kaming Jobi. Sayang nga kasi andami lang food kina Marian hehehe. (Sayang walang cute) We just spent our afternoon catching up with each other and trying to get her cute son to go with us for a photo op. Buti nalang nasuyo ko sya at meron lang akong picture kasama niya. Was out of the house for more than 24 hours pero it was just what I need. Ngayon ok na ulit ako...;p

Whatta Week...

I've had a funky week and this day wasn't an excemption. We didn't do anything exciting all day because all of the systems were down. We just unleashed our inner cam whores because 2 of our team mates brought their cameras. I thought it couldn't get worse. I was wrong. Just before our dismissal, our OM told us that the other group of our batch would have to be pulled out because of some legalities. We were all stunned and sad at the same time because the people that we've been with will have to be shifted to other accounts. To think that they were the cream of the crop. Life is just full of surprises...

Another thing that's been bugging me is my crush. I hate it. I so feel like a loser when I'm thinking about him. That's probably one of the reason why I don't want to be in any gay scene right now. Because I don't feel confident. He's just out of my league. I have to think of something to get him out of my system or else my eye bags will be as big as a plate and I'll never get out of this crappy feeling... (Lord mabait naman ako ah asan na kasi price charming ko?? hehehe)

I'm still looking at the brighter side... Tomorrow I'll watch two (hopefully good) films I'm looking forward to (Kung Fu Panda and Narnia) with my good friends and we have no work on Monday. Yippee.... (The Secret kaya ko to)

Not Again....

I don't know what is the problem but a good friend of mine or at least one that I consider as one of my good friends is not talking to me again... Again, for a reason that I don't know. haiizz depressing lang kasi parang feeling ko na ambilis lang akong bitawan ng mga taong pinapahalagahan ko... Stupid me ='(

Honest Mistake...

To free us from total boredom, our trainer thought it'll be fun to have an activity. We have to pick anybody in the room that we want to say something to but couldn't tell that person personally. In order to hide ourselves we're going to sign with our pseudonym. Since I have no crush in the room or against someone, I chose a girl who I think is always fab in her get-up. I just couldn't complement her because we aren't close yet. Time is up and I couldn't think of any good pseudonym so I wrote the nickname of my seatmate not knowing that he digs her. We crumpled the letter to a ball then thrown it in front at the same time. Much to my surprise we have to read out also the pseudonym that was written. OMG!!! Nobody told me that. ( I was out of the room when my trainer explained it) So my seatmate was put on the spot when they read my letter. I really didn't know and it was an honest mistake. Good thing the issue was resolved later...

Weird Dream...

I just woke up from a very good sleep and I just had a really strange dream... It was a peaceful day and I was hanging out with my friends. There were four of us, though I couldn't make out who among my friends am I with. Then something happened and there were people running after us. Then the environment changed as well into something like post apocalyptic. We ran for our lives but one of my friends went the other way and couldn't catch up with us. We hid ourselves into some hidden inn of some kind where other people are also hiding. When we were in our room we argued about what to do next to escape and then poof I woke up... weird...

One Bad Day...

Yesterday was miserable. I was sick all day long and I have to go to work. Good thing there wasn't much to do. I was grumpy all day because I have stuffy nose and my head hurts like hell. Mukhang hindi ako hiyang sa matinding aralan hehehe. Good thing I'm ok now. Ready for JM's treat this Friday... (Narnia and Kung-Fu Panda woohoo)

Wanted: Missing Hon...

I was surprised when someone texted me this afternoon. " Hon d2 ka nalang reply or call asap mahalaga sasabihen ko sayo send ka load 150 pesos last text na e2." Hindi ko naman alam kung na wrong send lang sya or plain old scammer so I just replied: "Sorry hon, di kita kilala eh." Dapat nga me hahaha pa sa dulo kaso I figured I would come off as rude kahit na manloloko sya. So if someone knows this number : 09064579880 yung hon mo nagpapapasa ng load...

Close Call...

I almost had a great day today. I spent most of the day reviewing with Ker at Seattle's Best. (Productive) Enter the dragon si Jeland mga late afternoon. I was done reviewing then so chikahan lang kami. Then Jacques came and we had our dinner after courtesy of Ker sa Katips (woohoo sa susunod bibiruin ko sya ulit hahaha) Sayang hindi na kami nakapunta ng Banapple ( I really miss their pies) dahil they have to go home. At dahil isa akong ulirang friend, kelangan kong magintay sa Gateway para kitain ang nagddrama kong friend na si JM.

They dropped me off sa Santolan and I rode a bus papuntang Gateway. Nung pababa nako the conduktor was calling for other passengers and the bus stopped. Hindi ko alam kung napupupu ba sya, me galit sakin o gusto lang talagang magbiro ng masama pero nung tumigil sya at nung pababa ako. Bigla nalang siyang umandar agad. Buti sana kung sa open road siya umandar e tinapat nya talaga dun sa merong harang. Buti nalang mabilis ang mga reflexes ko at di ako bundat (ahem) kaya nakakapit pako sa railings at hindi nahagip. Poised na sana kaso merong aleng naging hysterical kaya napansin ng mga tao ang nangyari sakin. (Exposure na naman)

Tumambay ako sa DQ na medyo traumatized at dyahe kasi sa lahat ng ayaw ko e tumatambay ng magisa. Mas lalo ko kasi nararamdaman ang pagiging single ko. Buti nalang nakita ko si Victor Basa. ( Kumalma ako for a time) Nung nawala na epekto niya nagtalo pa kami ni JM. Mejo nahurt lang ako kasi natouch lang ako sa sinabi ni Je earlier about me na sinabi niya tapos biglang ganun. ( Ouch JM! hahaha OO kinukunsensya na naman kita) Eventually dumating na siya at ayos na naman kami dahil sa kabutihan ko. (At dahil dun ililibre niya ako sa Friday ng sine hahaha woohoo)

Exposure ito...

Kahapon, naisip ng trainer namin na masaya siguro kung parurusahan ang mga malalate. At dahil sa nakipagkwentuhan pako sa net ke JM, ( OO Sinisisi kita JM!! hahaha) nahuli ako ng pag alis ng bahay. 30 minutes before the time nung nakasakay ako sa lrt2. Kumakalam na ang sikmura ko dahil hindi pako naglulunch at ang sabi ng trainer namin 3 pm na daw kami magbbreak. After 10 minutes ng train at 5 minutes ng paglalakad nakaorder nako ng lunch ko sa isang fast food chain. 15 minutes before mag 12. Kaya ko pa yan. Baka malate rin ang mga tao ngayon , sabi ko sa sarili. 12:05. Late naman yung relos sa office. Kampante pako na kumuha ng tubig bago ako dumiretso ng room dahil 12 sakto sa relos ng building. Nagulat nalang ako ng sabihin ng trainer ang pangalan ko at sinabing kelangan kong magperform sa harap pagkatapos ng laro namin. Huuuwwwaaattt?! Hindi tuloy gumana ang utak ko sa laro namin sa kakaisip kung ano namang performance ang gagawin ko. Cartwheel sabay hairflip habang tumatambling kaya?? Baka masyado silang mamangha... Hindi naman ako pedeng magcatwalk kasi ang iksi ng runway (hahaha) Ayaw pang magpaextra nalang ako sa isang performance yung isang nagmamagandang babae dun. hmpf! Effort ito. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko exposure. At dahil sa wala na kong maisip at talagang pinepressure na kami ng trainer namin na magperform now na!! Kung hindi, mas lalu niyang dadagdagan ang percentage ng audience impact sa criteria of judging wala nakong nagawa kundi gumigilinggiling sa indayog ng musikang Awstralyano. Sinayawan ko pa ang boss namin sa harap ( baka sakaling mapromote) hahaha . Most Embarrasing Moment in the Office for Now. Kakahiya kahit na ako ang may pinakamalakas na applause (naman!!) hahaha

Rain+Singlehood=Drama

"Sometimes we are in love in the idea of falling in love, Loving the illusion of having or missing someone"

I hate rainy days since I became a part of the adult world. Not only because I don't get a free pass to have that day off unlike when I was a kid. But it makes me feel a bunch of crappy things. Laziness to get my butt up to work. Grumpiness that I have to trudge on muddy streets and bring an umbrella. (Though I try to look at the brighter side of things by thinking I'm Rihanna hehehe) Ickiness whenever I get a cold and have to blow my nose every 5 sec. And the worst feeling is loneliness that I don't have someone that would hug and cuddle (and other stuff couples do) to make me feel warm.

Yesterday wasn't an exception. Not to mention, I was trying to clear things up between two friends of mine who just had a misunderstanding. Because I didn't see or hear the things that happened, I just connected the pieces that were given to me by the parties involved and try to make sense of what really happened. ( Note to self: Don't pass out on a party so that you'll get a first hand account of the juicy happenings) Its good that everythings ok now and theres going to be another party this Sat.

The season is getting to me already. I try to keep positive and just be happy in the company of my friends and family. Alas, I'm just human and I do feel sadness. I try to rationalize the pros and cons of having a relationship again just to stop longing and be back to my happy perky bubble. I don't want to cruise on the net any more but I'm hoping that maybe on the next click the guy that I'm looking for is there waiting...

Confessions...

Sometimes it is hard to keep secrets especially if you have lots of them that you have to keep mum about. What makes that even harder is that you have to be silent about it because they are from your friends and about your friends.

A friend confessed that he likes a friend of ours. There is nothing hard about keeping that. The thing is I know that another friend of mine also likes that person. Now I'm caught in the middle...

I'm So Grounded...

After being snubbed by my friends last Friday, I asked JM whom I missed hanging out with to see a movie. Nagdedemand pa siya na kelangan ko siyang ilibre when it is him who is earning lotsacash. Tumawag din ang isa ko pang friend na nagaaya na magreview sa Starbucks. At dahil nasa mood akong magbasa at magsipag. umoo naman ako. Edi review ng 2 hours sa Starbucks tapos lipad agad sa Rob. Galle para panuorin ang Boy Culture. In fairness maganda yung story not to mention na ang hottie nung lead character. While we were watching, nagtext naman si Deej another friend of mine asking if we were free tonight para sa house party niya na hindi ko na inexpect na matutuloy. So after the movie we went to see Jannoe who I left in Starbucks. At nakipagkita naman kina Ker at Jeland to go to Deej's house party. I thought na hindi ako masyadong tatamaan dahil nga hard ang ininom namin at mas malakas ako sa hard kaso I was the first one out. They put me to bed then I awoke at meron ng komusyon ang nangyayari. Apparently they decided to leave me out of the scene. Nung nagising nalang ako there were drama all over. At syempre I didn't want to be left out kaya bangon agad ako para makiusi. Maraming naganap pero effort magblog lalu na kung wala ka pang tulog. At dahil ngayon lang ako nakauwi, sa tingin ko grounded lang ako...

Alone on a Friday Night...

I was feeling to hangout tonight with some of my friends unfortunately they all have their own plans and I was left alone on a Friday night. I couldn't do anything about it so I just went to get a haircut then I bought two tubs of ice cream to comfort me. I hope that I could get out tomorrow...

Random Ramblings...

Because we didn't do much during the day our trainer thought of having a payback by making us stay 30 minutes more than our usual time which sucked not to mention us thinking about the tests that we have to answer tomorrow.

On the way home, I saw a lot of things that made my brain think. I saw a guy with a really cute pants and hot body emphasized by his body hugging shirt. Being a person who appreciates beautiful things, I began to wonder when will I get the initiative to go to the gym and work for a body that is as hot as his.

I got on the train and tried to seclude myself from the crowd in the corner listening to my music. While we were on the tunnel underground, a reflection of a cute guy caught my attention. ( Mere coincidence? I hope not hahaha) Anyways, I again merely appreciated the beauty that God created. hahaha. However, while I was looking at his reflection, I couldn't help but notice the sadness in his eyes. (Correct, sensitive talaga ako sa pagsense ng mga feelings ng tao merely by looking at their eyes) I got curious as to why he could be so sad that it emanates from his eyes.

I got off at the last station still intrigued at the man's plight but I know I wouldn't know it anyway so I just dropped it. I was ready to calmly go down the staircase when a group of rowdy constru guys suddenly brushed me on my way down. Made me roll my eyes and think if they are just plain barbarians or maybe they just ate some really bad food during merienda. Ignore mode nalang ako.

At last, isang sakay nalang at pede nakong magpahinga. Kaso me isang pahabol pa na torture sakin. A guy offered me to seat first with me beside the driver. I thought he was sweet. (Probably smitten by me hahaha I wish) Then the driver came in and I freaking knew that he was did that for his own convenience. The freaking driver smelled like he hasn't took a bath in weeks. My goodness. If there is something that I really hate, it is smelling really foul smell. The whole ride was torture. Buti nalang nakontrol kong magcomment ng "Manong me naimbento na pong deo. Minsan po itry niyo." hahaha

While I was walking towards the house, I was thinking about what I was thinking about on my way home and why was I thinking so much this night? hahaha I was thinking why am I so eager to help a stranger who I think is sad, why it is unusual for us to say good things about someone else thinking that they might perceive it as something else? Am I being too nice already or am I just expecting too much from everyone else? Am I really living or am I living off from other people's lives? Would someone also see my reflection and want to cheer me up?

Why Am I Sad Again???

I went online, opened my ym and saw nobody around. Somehow because of that, I got lonely again. I missed my old friends however I know that I couldn't depend on them always because we all have our lives to live. I have made new friends at my work but I still missed the things that I usually do with several of my friends. That and I just got hit-on by one of my co-trainee who by the way is committed (again). Why do I always have to play the mistress role. Good thing I didn't give in to my worldly desires and opted to go home instead. I'm just praying that a party of my friend would push thru over the weekend so that I'll get a boost again...

Life is Short...

This morning, my mom told me that our grandma in the province just died last night. What a news to start the day. I wasn't that close to my grandma since she was living in the province and we rarely see each other. I only remember her for the one scene that stuck in my mind. It was when we were on vacation and went to her place. It was summer then so she treated us to her fave halo-halo place and toured us around town. I couldn't recall her face anymore however I remember her as the lively and fun grandma she was when we visited her. It made me realize just how fast life could pass by. Rest In Peace Lola Gunding....='(

Keeping the Positivity going...

For the first time in years I feel like going to mass without my mom urging me to do so. I guess I just felt that I needed to thank God for the blessings that He has given me this couple of months. I made some new friends, bonded with old ones, although I still have some issues with my family I'm still happy they are with me. I have to keep this positive energy going for me and just always look on the brighter side...;p

I wish everyone would stop asking me that question...

Dahil gusto kong uminom ng water pumunta ako sa kitchen namin kung saan naghuhugas ang aking kapatid at nakatambay naman ang tito at tita ko. Pinagbanlaw ako ng kapatid ko at dahil kelangan kong maging mabait sa kanya pumayag ako not knowing na meron pala silang pinaguusapan ng tito at tita ko at nadamay pako sa kaguluhan nila. My aunt asked me, "Me gf ka na ba?" tawa kuno tapos sinabi ko nalang na "Gastos lang magkagf eh" (leche hindi kami talo noh) At hindi pa siya nakuntento sa pangtotorture sakin. May follow up question pang kasunod. "E may nililigawan ka ngayon?" Isip naman tuloy ako ng magandang dahilan... "E gastos nga lang po yung panliligaw tita" (hainaku kelangan ko bang ipagsigawang hanggang friends lang talaga ang turing ko sa mga girls???) Akala ko tapos na siya sa paghohotseat sa akin but wait meron pa talaga siyang naisip na follow up question. "E nanligaw ka na nun?" (ayaw talaga akong tantanan haiizz) Sinagot ko nalang siya ng oo kasi akala ko matatapos na siya dun but wait nakaisip pa siya talaga ng isa pang tanong (The Buzz ba ito?? Hindi pako ready... pedeng no comment nalang) "E panu ka naman manligaw?" Buti nalang umeksena na yung tito ko at siya na ang nagkoment dahil wala kulang na siya sa exposure hahaha. Dinalian ko nalang maghugas bago pa ulit makaisip ng iba pang tanong na hindi pako handang sagutin... I wish my family would stop asking me that question already...

Reflections of a Sober Man...

As I was walking towards the house na mejo ngarag pa from yesterday nights party, Napagisipisip ko yung sinabi nung isang guy na nameet ko kagabi. "Why are you wasting your time?" (di exact words... yan lang yung impak sakin nung sinabi nya pertaining to my profession. Am I really wasting my time? I dont know pero alam ko naman sa sarili ko na I'll be working in my field. For now I'll cruise by muna. hehehe Tapos nakita ko yung mga bata sa overpass na umagangumaga eh nagaadik na sa rugby. Again another thought hit me. I'm so lucky to be living a life like I do. Simple lang pero at least I have a family to come home to, a shelter over my head as well as friends to run to when I have problems. Lakad pa rin papuntang bahay at nakita ko yung park sa subdivision namin. Lagi ko tong dinadaanan pagpasok sa work at ngayon ko lang naappreciate yung ganda niya. Medyo nasurprise pa nga ako na hindi ko yun napapansin pagpasok ko everyday. It is like a picture perfect scene. Again another thought hit my head. I should learn to open my eyes and see the beauty in everything kasi sometimes we tend to pass by something that we take for granted. Thus hindi natin nakikita ang hiddne beauty niya... (Minsan magana rin pala ang bangenge ka ng unti) hahahah;p

Its Official: I hate beers!!

Last night was fun. I just got back home from a party that I attended to last night and it was full of surprises. I met a lot of new people including a batchmate of mine in college. Small world. What struck me was that he was a changed person. We weren't close however I was shocked at first to see him embrace his sexuality since when we were in college he was straight acting. But then I got over it since I could relate to what he has gone through. Another surprise of the night was when a close friend of mine revealed something unexpected which just rocked my world for a minute then I got over it since what he told me doesn't define him as a person and it doesn't change how much I care for him. I was still ok until there weren't any drinks available anymore except beers. Since I have no choice I had to drink beers. Just before I finish my 2nd bottle I was already tipsy and swaying to and fro. Since the night was young I drank a few more and just as I expected I'm close to passing out. Good thing I was assisted by Jano and Ker (a newfound friend) and eventually I have to crash over Jel and Ker's place. (I think I made a fool of myself... not sure) It was a fun night and I learned that I need to stay away from beers from now on.... hahaha goodluck.

Here are my shoulders...

After a long day from training. (me sipon kasi ako the whole day na nawala lang nung uwian leche)
I went home immediately at meron lang akong nasight na cuteness na guy sa LRT2. hehehe sayang hindi siya puwesto sa tabi ko. So hindi nako umasa na makikita ko pa sya ulit pero lo and behold at nakatabi ko pa sya sa loob nung fx. hehehe (The Secret) So natuwa naman ako nun kaso meron pa pala akong kaagaw sa yummy guy na yun at yun ay ang tukling sa harap nya. Si yummy guy ay pagod na pagod at natulog lang sa buong byahe. Kakaawa nga kasi super sway ang ulo ng lolo niyo. Muntikan ko nang hindi mapigilan ang sarili ko na sabihin. "Ito o sandal ka nalang sa shoulders ko" (in my most caring yet pamintang way) hehehe. Sasabihin ko pa sana pagbaba niya, "Alam mo malapit lang bahay namin dun ka nalang kaya matulog" ahihihi;p

Kala ko gumagana na ang Secret... tsktsktsk

I was feeling extremely happy for no reason kaninang umaga when I woke up. Kahit Mom ko nagtaka dahil I wasn't in my normal "tamad mode". I had a surprise when all of a sudden my tita gave me money for something that she owed me which I couldn't even remember I gave her. Just what I needed especially I'm at the brink of bankruptcy. hehehe. I felt like my day is going to be great already. So the day went by with me nagging my good friend JM of trying to find me a good alter station because he was going to go to the gym to scout some guys around and couldn't accompany me to his personal alter station. Good thing he did and I went by there to have the shirt that I'm going to wear to my friend's b-day bash this Friday altered just after I have a chit chat with two of my good friends Jan and Mich. And because I have to wait for the shirt. I had a large dinner literally... 2 slices of pizza and a hotshot's meal w/ rice. I went home after feeling very good about myself because the price is a fraction of what I was supposed to pay at an alter station in Gateway and it would take them forever to make it. Only to be bummed out when I get home because my mom is nagging about me pursuing my career already... Just when I thought I was mastering the art of the Secret... Sayang (Boyfriend na sana nasa isip ko nun eh)

The Number Cannot be Reached...

At dahil hindi ako nakapagblog kahapon nawala na ang enthusiasm at ang idea ko kung pano ko isusulat ang mga nangyari sakin this couple of days. Friday pumunta kami ng Laguna to go to a celebration party ng isa sa aking newfound friend na si Jeland dahil he recently passed the bar. (hehehe pede nakong magkakaso) At dahil sa ayaw naming magbyahe ng mainit napagdesisyunan namin ng kasama kong si Janno na bumiyahe ng maaga. Supposedly ay imimit pa namin ang isa pa naming friend na si DJ who was supposed to come kaso hindi rin nakapunta. So nagbreakfast nalang muna kami sa KK habang naghihintay ng directions from Jeland. Kami ang unang dumating sa kanila na mga bisita which meant na kami rin ang me pinakamaraming nakain dahil 3 beses namin kelangang bumalik para makisabay sa mga batch ng bisita ni Jeland. hehehe. Masaya dahil lumawak ang network ko hanggang Laguna. At habang lumalamon kami ni Janno pinagdedebatihan namin kung anong gagawin namin after nung ke Jeland. At dahil ayaw pa naming umuwi sa bahay we opted to chill out sa Malate. Kumain (na naman) ng dinner sa isang jubersarap na barbequehan dun. Tapos kwentuhan galore sa Starbucks. Dun we met some people. Me nakausap ako dun saglit na guy na cute and he gave me his number before we parted. He seemed like a nice guy and I wanted to give him a ring kaso ito ang message na narinig ko... The number you dialled cannot be reached... haiizz

It's that time of the month...

OMG... its that time of the month where I get to blankly stare at couples holding onto each other trying to ask myself when will I get to experience the same thing. Where I get super sense of sight to get a glimpse of cute guys around and check them out. Where I think of dirty little things on my mind again... then I remember my promise to myself to not get involved sexually with someone unless I am in a relationship and he get tested first... Just looking forward to a party that I am going to on Saturday... maybe my prince is there hahaha...;p

New Faces...

3rd day of training and so far it's been fun. We all had a surprise when there were four new additions to our batch. (Still no cute guys) bummer. hehehe. There was drama brewing this early though. A batch mate of mine got hurt emotionally from a comment made to her during lunch by one of us. Besides that, there wasn't really any interesting thing that happened during the day. Good thing I saw a couple of my friends on my way home and another couple of cute guys which made my day...;p

Work again...

I just got home from the first day of training of another work for a call center and this day proved to be interesting. There weren't any cute guys in our class...=(. Good thing that there are a lot of interesting people around and our trainer was really funny. The whole day felt like an English class and someone from the class reminded me again of my profession and how temporary this job is... For now, I'll just have some fun.;p

Time to Change...

I just finished watching "The 11th Hour" and it hit me. That I may not live till old age. hehehe ok mejo negative lang pero still it made me think of the ways that we as a people are destroying the earth just to satisfy our desires. Pero it just refueled my desire to change for the better just like when I watched "An Inconvenient Truth". This time I have to stick by it. I have to change... and also be an instrument of change...;p

Negative can be good news...

I'm still tired from what I did yesterday but I have to get out of the house to go to my future workplace for the supposedly job offer. However they made us wait for a long time before starting the orientation because their expected people didn't show up for some reason. Good thing the guy who kept us company and oriented us was pleasing to the eyes. I went directly to the clinic where I had some tests done to me a month ago to get the results which I am anxious to know. It was on a sealed envelope which added more drama to the moment. I opened it and was very much glad that all of the tests are negative. Now I could start anew with my life with a clear perspective of how I should approach sex...=p

One long day...

Just got home from a very long yet fun and eventful day yesterday. I hanged out with my friends again, ate again ( thanks to our sponsor: deej) goodluck sa tyan ko talaga and met new people which is always a good experience for me. I just hope that the plans made earlier push through and that my job sched. would permit me to do just that. There's been some drama later in the night but hopefully it didn't dampen any friendships made. The partee was great. ( Sana tinamaan pa ako ng mas matindi kaso I had to stop and take care of my tipsy friends) Next time uunahan ko na silang magkatama. hahahah Wish ko lang magising ako later to get ready for my job offer.... =p

When a Door closes... Windows will be opened...

I went to an interview for a job today and I was surprised by what the interviewee told me. Here I thought that I was applying for an account which has a daytime shift since I don't wanna go back to working night shifts since it took a toll on my social life. Good thing that another applicant told me about a call center that was also nearby and has a daytime shift account. I went there and tried my luck and lo and behold after 2 hours of processing my application they told me to come back on Friday for the job offer. God is definitely good.=p One more window that opened today was AJ. He was the HR who interviewed me for my initial interview and man was he gorgeous. He was way cuter than Meg (who still haven't replied to any of my texts... his loss) hahaha hindi ako bitter ah. Anyways back to AJ, actually I was eyeing him already when I got inside their office and I thought that he was one of the agents there. Turned out that he was one of the HR's and fortunately the name that he called left for some reason and he called me up instead. OMG I was so surprised and giddy when he called me. He was older but still look very dreamy. I wouldn't mind having him around. This new work of mine is looking really good... hope more windows will open...=p

Wala ka bang load???

Naging slightly hindi maganda dahil bumati ang pinakaamvitious kong friend sa text ng isa sa mga wala niyang kwentang linya hahaha (alam mo na kung sino ka!!) Buti nalang me bumawi nun dahil nakita ko ulit ang bf ng gurlalu kong friend na sabay kong magaapply ng work. (HD lang ahihihi) So goramei na kami dun ng biglang sinabi samin na wala daw sila yung posisyon na gusto naming applyan e tipong kakadouble check lang namin yun dun sa kiosk nila bago kami pumunta dun. Buti nalang dinobletsek at napagalaman na hindi sila updated kaya hindi nila alam na me ganung opening pala. So chikachika galore kami ng friend ko ng biglang natangap ko na yung text na inaasamasam ko all week. (number ni Meg) So ngiti ako to the highest level kaso hindi ko sya tinext agad dahil masyado akong marie claire. Tinext ko siya mga hapon na only to be disappointed dahil hanggang ngaun hindi pa rin sya nagrereply... Baka wala lang syang load...= (

Its Raining..... Men!!

Yesterday was a tiring yet fun day for me. I went to Ortigas to get interviewed by a company who teaches English to Koreans. I was accepted for a position but I was hesitant to go along with it because the salary is not that good plus they have a sucky schedule. Since it was too early to meet up with DJ to get my cam back to start my creative letter for another job I'm trying to apply to I went to the mall to while my time. I ate lunch alone since DJ couldn't have his lunch break yet and told me to meet up with him a little while. I went to his building's vicinity which was a good thing because I bumped to some old workmates of mine from my previous work who were also trying to find a job. I met Pau's boyfriend who is cute. (Wish I'll have a boyfriend like him hehehe) I waited for an eternity for DJ to show up only to find out that my memory card is still with their technician so we just planned to see each other another time this week. (Good thing he proposed he'll treat us hehehe) So in the middle of the day I went on to my other destination which was a walk in for HTMT. Because of my carelessness I took the wrong path and wasted my energy and effort until I got to the destination. Good thing though because I saw really cute guys while I was waiting for my interview and another one sat behind my back. ( Kasi naman me lecheng nagpaupo ng bag nya sa tabi ko... sayang tuloy) Since I was nervous and I wanted to talk with someone I bravely asked him if I needed the paper that he was answering up. He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and asked if I already have a short interview and I said no so he explianed to me that I needed to get past the interview before I get to have that paper. (Whatever he says...haizzz) So I let him answer it first and asked him again what position was he applying to. He didn't know the complete name of the position which was fine by me because I saw his yummy face with a hearty laugh. ( Too bad we're not going to be on the same team.) He was called already and I was also put on the list of people to be interviewed. I passed the initial interview however there was a catch to the position. I need to be on their company for a year and I have to work night shifts which I don't like so I told the HR to let me think about it. I went home feeling sucky because I had 2 opportunities to have a job however I don't like their scheds so I'm going to have to drop them. On my way home the rain poured and it would have been sucky for me if it weren't for the cute guys that I kept on seeing around me. (God is really good. hehehe) Never mind the rain as long as there are men... ahihihi;p

pick me....

I have been stressing myself over the weekend what my concept is for the creative letter that I'm supposed to pass to a job that I soooo want badly. I have lots of ideas but I couldn't put them together just yet. I still have to get my hands on my cam again then I'll try to make a couple of videos and see what the outcome is. I just pray that they'll see my passion over photography and pick me even though I don't have any formal training... hehehe. I also am thinking about what job to apply to since I really need one asap because I don't want to ask anymore to my parents money when I needed to go out. Good thing I'm looking forward to a number that I'm praying I'll receive by tomorrow from a friend of mine... ;p

A new friend...

Yesterday I had lots of things that I was supposedly going to accomplish however some of them didn't push thru. But it all ended well since I got to see some of my old friends from college and also meet and make a new one. We met J which is a friend of my friend and we were supposed to watch a movie that I was dying to watch however we opt to just sit and have a chat about anything under the sun and it was really fun. Hope we'll get to bond like that again (Sana kasama na si Meg (ahihi))

Meg-Ryan (ahihihi)

I recently came from a trip to one of my friends hometown and it was more than what I expected it to be. It was really a blast going to the beach which I haven't done for years already because I have not been back to our province for quite some time now. A lot of great food and what made my trip really special is having a great talk with someone which I haven't had also for a very long time. (MEG) Too bad I was so shy to ask his number. I just wish that our path's will cross again.

Forbidden to watch??

I am really bummed out right now. The movie that I was really eager to watch was postponed at a later date for a reason I don't know. For weeks I have been looking forward to this date so that i could watch a good movie again only to find out that it was moved to next week's screening. I just hope that it lives up to my expectation or else I'll be disappointed again for drooling over the movie.

New Perspectives...

Kagagaling ko lang sa doktor kahapon just to be tested if I have a disease (still waiting and praying that my blood test will also be negative). And I'm just happy that I don't have STD. Hopefully I also don't have HIV or syphilis. Having been scared like this definitely changes my perspectives on life. I have to be more careful on the things that I do and the people that I meet because I am still young and I don't want to jeopardize my ambitions and aspirations over an itch that I could scratch later... I'm really thanking God right now because it really opened my eyes on what I should see and what I should act upon...

I pray it's not....

I just came from a wonderful vacation/reunion with my extended family and that experience came with a price. It was early morning and as I was getting ready to fix myself up for the day. I saw something that confirmed something that I've been saking off this couple of weeks and that is that I have a disease. A sexually transmitted one. I just pray that it's just a simple case and not the one where it could ruin my whole life's plan. I'm scared and really concerned. If not for a friend of mine, I prob. don't know what I'm going to do. I'll have my checkup by Sat. I just pray it's not that.

Pano ba mag-bestman??

Kasal ng tito ko sa Monday at sa lahat pa ng pwedeng ibigay sakin na role sa kanyang kasal ewan ko ba at bakit best man ang nabigay sakin... haiizzz... litong lito tuloy ako dahil una hindi ako straight na lalaki at hindi ko rin alam kung ano bang function ko dun sa kasal na yun. For sure importante yun dahil me best na kasama sa title eh... hehehe I just hope and pray na hindi ako pagiispeech dun sa reception at worst kelangan kong umattend sa isang stag party kung saan me mga salot na hubo't hubad.... eeewwww masusuka talaga ako pag nangyari yun. Buti sana kung mga naggwagwapuhan at nagmamachuhang mga duduki ang andun at naka G-string lang... winnur kahit magdamag ako dun sa parteeng yun at for sure makakapagspeech ever ako sa wedding nya... ahihi. Lord helfff...